Ministry of Magic
Auror
Order of The Phoenix
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25 years old
Gryffindor Alumnus
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Ash
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Post by Crystal Meadowes on Oct 15, 2016 22:54:41 GMT
The last few days had been something of a blur. It still didn’t feel real that Tonks was gone. Crystal was trying really hard to keep her shit together for the sake of everyone else, and for the most part she had been successful. She was trying to check on Remus too whenever she had the time. She couldn’t really tell though if he was grateful for it or if seeing the young woman his wife had taken in was making things too difficult. Maybe he was too far into his grief to know. Merlin knew it was hard being in that house. Everywhere Crystal looked there was some piece of Tonks, some memory that made her first want to laugh and then cry until she couldn’t breathe anymore. But Remus needed someone around right now. Not that he didn’t have the whole Order constantly checking on him. Crystal just felt a certain responsibility to him. Tonks was the closest thing to family she’d had for the last five years now. She owed this to her friend. She owed it to Remus and his kids too for always making her feel welcome in their home. Besides, Crystal had lost her mother to the war, even if she could barely remember it now. She definitely remembered losing her father. She knew what the twins would be going through. And she was living, breathing proof that a single dad could raise his kids to be alright. If nothing else, maybe that at least would provide some flicker of hope to Remus, however small it might be. Crystal had offered to clean up after dinner while Remus put his kids to bed. They needed their father right now. The first wave of grief was something no one could touch, no matter how well they understood. Only once it started to recede would the empathy of others begin to truly mean something. For now, Crystal busied herself cleaning up the kitchen. (Between she and Molly, it had probably seen more cleaning these last few days than the last six months put together). With that done, she made a pot of tea and took two mugs of it into the living room. Hopefully Remus wouldn’t mind a little company. Crystal couldn’t imagine he would want to be alone in this house after what had happened. One of the throws Tonks had liked was still on the arm of the couch, and Crystal picked it up as she sat down. It still smelled like Tonks. Tears pricked at Crystal’s eyes as she pressed her face into the fabric. She probably would’ve sat there until she cried had it not been for the creaking of the stairs. Crystal dropped the blanket into her lap and hastily wiped her eyes on the ends of her sleeves in an effort to pull herself together before Remus Lupin could see. She wasn’t quite sure if she pulled it off before he got into the living room. But she pasted on the best weary smile she could muster up under the circumstances. “Hey. I made some tea. Hope you don’t mind.” She scooted over a bit on the couch even though there was already enough room for him to sit. Then, realizing the blanket was still in her lap, she spread it out over her legs as if that had been her intention all along. She picked up a mug of tea and turned sideways on the couch so she could better face Remus. “How are they holding up?” she asked, sending a pointed look toward the ceiling in the direction of the twins’ bedrooms. What she really wanted to ask was how Remus was holding up, but he was the sort who looked after others before himself and she wasn’t sure if he would even give an honest answer at this point. So for now she would try to gauge that particular measurement on her own. And hopefully avoid any waterworks on her end. She was here to help the Lupins. Her own grief could be handled later. |
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Hogwarts
Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor
Werewolf
Order of The Phoenix
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44 years old
Gryffindor Alumnus
Wandless Magic
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Mego
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Post by Remus Lupin on Oct 19, 2016 17:29:06 GMT
Being in the house was hard. Remus wouldn't dare stay there alone right now; having his children around made it worlds easier, but he made sure to always have someone else with him as much as possible, too. Not that he actually had to work for that - people were practically lined up at his door to take care of him, bless them. Sometimes it got to be too much, and that's when Remus left the house entirely and those same people happily watched his twins for a few hours, but either way Remus was eternally grateful to every person showing up in his life right now.
He liked to think they were doing it for Dora and not just for him. He'd never quite been able to shake the fact that attention just made him plain uncomfortable. But he loved to think that so many other people loved his wife as much as he did - nothing could honor her memory more than people coming together to take care of one another in times of trouble. They were all lost without her, so they would do the best they could.
Crystal, of course, was one of the ones there most often. She and Dora were close and Remus had grown rather fond of the girl herself over the years. She'd always been a helping hand around the house, even before Dora passed. It was nice to have that sense of normalcy about the terribly silent house. They had dinner together this evening, and while Remus put his children to bed, Crystal offered to clean the kitchen up. Remus wouldn't protest a bit. It would be a very long time before he would be able to stand more than two minutes in that room - he was already dreading next month and where he would have to go for the full moon.
After possibly one too many bedtime stories and extra long hugs, the twins were finally out. Remus sat with them a little more before coming down the stairs, to find Crystal on the couch with tea and one of Dora's favorite blankets. She was everywhere. Little reminders of his wife were scattered across all floors of the house because Remus didn't dare touch a thing. Not yet. If things stayed the way they were, it almost felt like she was still here somewhere, and right now that was comforting.
"Have I ever minded tea?" Remus said, picking up his cup and sitting down on the couch. He sipped quietly and looked over at Crystal when she asked a question. "They're okay, I think. It's like they both understand and don't understand, at the same time. If that makes sense." Truthfully, the twins were handling this better than Remus, understanding it all or not. There had been a great many times in the past couple of days where they hadn't run from their crying father but rather crawled up into his lap or snuggled into his chest.
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Ministry of Magic
Auror
Order of The Phoenix
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25 years old
Gryffindor Alumnus
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Ash
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Post by Crystal Meadowes on Oct 21, 2016 2:20:11 GMT
Remus’ response to tea drew a ghost of a weak smile to Crystal’s mouth. “Good point.” Nobody in this house had ever protested tea. But still. She wanted to be sure she wasn’t overstepping her bounds here. Her fingers tapped idly against the side of her mug as she listened to him talk about the twins. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “It makes sense. I don’t remember a whole lot about my mum.” One of the many reasons she was so grateful to be part of the Order. There were constantly people around who could tell her about her parents and the sort of people they had been. “But I know there were all sorts of times it was hard not having her around. For me and my dad.” She paused briefly, looking down into her mug before directing her gaze back up at Remus. “He did alright though, my dad. Actually, he did amazing. And so will you.” Being a single dad was no cakewalk. But if anybody could pull it off, it was Remus. Crystal’s tone lightened a bit as she tried to lift the mood. “Besides, those two are angels compared to me as a kid. If my dad could turn me into a semi-respectable adult, you won’t have any trouble.”
Now that it had been five years without her father, his loss didn’t sting like it used to. Most days it was just a light ache, if that. It had simply become a part of her life. But the loss of Tonks had reignited that old pain. Crystal chewed at the bottom of her lip as she remembered nights a few years ago huddled on this very couch under what might have been this very blanket holding a mug of tea and listening to Tonks tell her everything was going to be fine until long after the tea had gone cold. A world without the bubblegum-haired auror was a world that much darker. And now it was Crystal sitting here trying to comfort Remus. “You know,” she said quietly, “between both my parents, I think I’ve got a pretty good idea what the twins will be going through. So if they need something… Or if you need something, anything, even if it makes no sense at all…” She had to swallow hard as a lump rose in her throat. She just felt so helpless in the face of this loss. “I don’t know how I could’ve got through losing my dad without Tonks. She kept me going. So if there’s any way I can help you get through this, just say the word and I’ll do it.” She knew all too well there wasn’t really much that could be done at this stage. The wounds would have to heal on their own. But she still needed the offer to be out there. She owed it to Tonks. The woman had pulled through Crystal through one of the hardest times in her life. And now she was gone, and Crystal had absolutely no idea who was going to pull her through this.
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Hogwarts
Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor
Werewolf
Order of The Phoenix
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44 years old
Gryffindor Alumnus
Wandless Magic
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Mego
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Post by Remus Lupin on Nov 17, 2016 5:02:03 GMT
It didn't sit well with Remus when Crystal said she didn't remember a lot about her mum. He frowned into his tea and let her go on. He understood the sentiment, he didn't want his kids to hold onto a heartache this early in life, but he didn't want their memories of their mum to fade either. Dora wasn't capable of fading, the vibrant woman - not in life, and he couldn't let it happen in death. Just like Crystal's dad did, as the girl described it, Remus had to raise these kids and he also had to raise them right. There were so many things that went into doing it right, how could he not feel uneasy at the start?
"Thank you," he tried to smile up at Crystal, at her compliments of both him and the children. "I hate to think it can get any harder than it is right now. But I know it will." They were a family stricken with grief, it was hard to imagine anything anymore terrible happening. But it wasn't so much fear as it was overwhelming complexity that loomed before them. Remus missed his partner in all this. They bounced off of one another, always meeting in the middle and, most of the time, getting it right. How could he possibly do that alone? "Do you really think they'll forget her?" He asked after a quiet moment. Above all else, this fear was persistent.
While he would be mostly in charge of mitigating that fear, his friends would be hard at work making sure he didn't have to do any of it alone. He knew that. He looked up at Crystal when she began speaking again, turning his head and leaning back against the couch when it all grew too heavy for him. He concentrated on the warmth between his hands as everything else threatened to grow cold. "I know you will," he said finally, throat tight. He reached out and patted the back of her hand. "I know. It's hard to even think about going forward right now. We wouldn't have made it these past five years without you either, you know that, right? She loved you so much." Dora had a lot of love for a lot of people. With all that those people were offering Remus now, he had to keep that love alive.
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Ministry of Magic
Auror
Order of The Phoenix
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25 years old
Gryffindor Alumnus
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Ash
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Post by Crystal Meadowes on Dec 2, 2016 2:01:28 GMT
Crystal’s attempts at consoling went over about as well as expected. Remus was too good to tell her she wasn’t helping, but she knew from experience there wasn’t much she could do. All she could do was give him the truth. No matter how much it hurt. He asked if they would truly forget, and Crystal shifted a bit against the back of the sofa. She owed him honesty. She knew that. But it might not go over so well. “They’re older than I was,” she pointed out. “I think they’ll hold onto more than I did.” She looked down at her mug as she toyed with the handle, turning the question over in her mind. Finally she looked back up at Remus. “Honestly, yeah, they’ll forget a lot. They’ll forget how her voice sounded. The way her eyes would light up when she laughed. What she would say when she tucked them in every night.” She swallowed hard to put herself back on track. She was supposed to be talking about Tonks, not her own mother. “But they’ll remember the important bits. That she loved them. That she stood by what she believed in. That she was brave to the very end. And the rest of it…”
Well, there really wasn’t any way forward without this getting personal. Crystal sighed. “You know why I joined the Order? It wasn’t for me. Or to make the world a better place or whatever. Well, I guess it was a bit. But the real reason was for my parents. My dad, he was my link to my mum. And without him… Without him, I lost them both. But when I’m around the Order, doing what they did, it’s like they’re still here in a way. And sometimes I can get you lot to talk about them. The old guard. The ones that knew them. And all those stories, especially about my mum…” She shook her head, a hint of a smile on her face. “Those memories aren’t mine. Not really. But when I hear people talk about them, it’s like I can remember it. Like you’re giving those memories to me. I think it’ll be like that for the twins. They’ll have people around them who can give them new memories of their mum every single day. So yeah, they’ll forget. But that doesn’t mean they won’t remember.”
Remus touched her hand, and Crystal let go of her mug so she could take that hand in her own. His words drew a watery chuckle out of her. “You would’ve been fine without me. Tonks was amazing. And so are you.” She squeezed his hand to help it sink in. In truth, Crystal had often felt at the beginning that she was intruding on something here. Always hanging around the edges of their family. But they had all made her feel welcome, and eventually she had settled into that. In recent days though she had begun to worry. She loved this little family. But it was Tonks who had brought her into it. And without Tonks, maybe her presence would be too hard. Besides, they hadn’t needed her. Not like she had needed them. They had kept her afloat when she felt like she was drowning. So she had cooked a few dinners and washed some dishes and watched the twins here and there. That was nothing compared to the family they had given her. It was a debt she could never repay.
The next words from Remus’ mouth brought tears to her eyes. “I know,” she managed, her voice barely above a whisper. She had loved Tonks too. Loved her so much there were moments when she felt like the loss might crush her right out of existence. Crystal turned her head to the side as she tried to blink back the tears. There would be no crying today. Not on her end. She was supposed to be helping Remus, not the other way around. She tightened her grip on his hand as she finally turned back to face him. “She loved you too. I’ve never seen anyone love someone the way she loved you.” She was pretty sure her parents had loved like that, but she couldn’t remember enough of her mother for that to warrant mentioning. Besides, Tonks had been a bottomless well of love. She had loved deeply, and in the end she had died for that love. It seemed fitting somehow. Tragic, but fitting.
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Hogwarts
Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor
Werewolf
Order of The Phoenix
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44 years old
Gryffindor Alumnus
Wandless Magic
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Mego
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Post by Remus Lupin on Dec 24, 2016 7:35:16 GMT
Crystal's answer didn't start off very strong, and Remus knew the worst was coming. He gazed into his mug as she spoke. His children were going to forget their mother. They were going to forget some of the very best parts of her, the little everyday things that made everyone who met her fall in love with her. Remus could keep the big parts of her alive for them, her kindness and her bravery - but how did one preserve a laugh, a voice, a twinkle in the eye? Remus shook his head. He couldn't. He couldn't keep that alive for them, and one day, he would probably forget it too. He didn't want to forget it. The very thought terrified him. He'd already lost his wife once; he couldn't keep losing her.
These thoughts were all-consuming in Remus. They ate away at his very essence. There would be nothing left of him if he let himself go on like this. He forced himself to look up as Crystal continued speaking, look right at her and listen to what she was saying. It wasn't just him that would keep Dora alive somehow. A lot of people would have fond memories of the woman, and if they all pieced those memories together, maybe they'd get something like a complete picture to form. Not her, not all of her, but maybe they could dredge up those little bits and pieces he loved so much. Remus mulled over this silently, nodding and smiling weakly up at Crystal and squeezing her hand when she took it.
"And so are you," Remus echoed Crystal right back. It was suddenly very important to him for her to know how important she was to Dora, and to him, and to the twins. He thought he might actually be worried that Crystal was going to fade away now, now Dora was gone. And as much a part of Dora's life as she was, Remus couldn't have that, either. "Really. I'm not exactly Shakespeare over here with expressing my emotions, I'm sure Dora let you know as much. But you're very important to us. You're family." He nodded, begging her to understand. He was making her tear up now and maybe that was good, a sign that she understood - but it was also bad, because it meant Remus was about five seconds from losing his own composure.
Or one. One second, all it took, thinking about his relationship with Dora and how steadfastly he initially resisted it because he didn't think anyone could love him. But she did, and now she was gone. Remus' eyes brimmed with tears and he had to pull his hands away to wipe at them. "You can cry, you know...because I'm going to now. I'm sorry."
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Ministry of Magic
Auror
Order of The Phoenix
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25 years old
Gryffindor Alumnus
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Ash
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Post by Crystal Meadowes on Feb 11, 2017 10:06:19 GMT
Crystal’s words seemed to help, but it wasn’t the same as the twins remembering for themselves. Not quite. There would still be pieces that were lost. Things no one remembered to tell them like how Tonks could rock an ugly Christmas sweater or which spot on the counter was her favorite when everyone crammed into the kitchen at Grimmauld place. There had to be a way to hold onto more. “Maybe…” Crystal chewed her bottom lip briefly as something occurred to her. “Maybe we could collect some of those memories. Get everyone to give up a few. You know, like to put in a pensieve. Then someday when the twins are older they could actually see it.” Granted, pensieves weren’t the easiest things in the world to come by. But maybe they could borrow the one at Hogwarts or something. And if absolutely nothing else, maybe the suggestion would give Remus a little more peace of mind.
It was taking everything Crystal had not to cry now. Remus seemed almost able to read her mind as he assured that she mattered, that she was family. Crystal sucked in a breath that sounded suspiciously like a tiny sob. Damn it. She reached up to wipe her eyes with her free hand. “Thank you.” Her voice sounded so small, but she meant it with all her heart. He had no idea how much she had needed those words. This little family gave her an anchor. She wasn’t sure she could make it without that.
Her eyes seemed to have been waiting for the permission because no sooner had Remus given it than there were tears trickling down Crystal’s cheeks. She turned her face away out of habit, her shoulders trembling a little as the crying started. She had been trying so damn hard to keep it together for everybody. Now the dam had finally cracked. Crystal set her mug on the coffee table so she could pick up the blanket on her lap, one Tonks had always favored, and hug it to her chest. It was the best Crystal could do.
Eventually the tears slowed down to small sniffles. Crystal risked a glance over at Remus, trying to see gage how he was doing, and her eyes drifted across an umbrella stand. Tonks had always hated that thing. Mostly because she had a habit of tripping over it. The memory of it happening over and over caused Crystal’s eyes to brighten just a fraction. “You know what I’m going to miss?” Her voice was raspy as she wiped at her reddened eyes, still staring at the umbrella stand. “How clumsy she was. She would knock something over and there would be this God-awful noise, and then when everyone looked up, she’d be standing there all innocent like it couldn’t possibly have been her.” There was a small lift in her voice at the end that was vaguely reminiscent of a chuckle. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.
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Hogwarts
Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor
Werewolf
Order of The Phoenix
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44 years old
Gryffindor Alumnus
Wandless Magic
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Mego
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Post by Remus Lupin on Mar 4, 2017 16:35:23 GMT
For just a moment Remus was able to smile. The two of them, sitting on this couch, were most certainly on a crash course and the heartbreak was inevitable - but Crystal's idea was impossible not to smile at. It was an idea that had been floating around in his own head, too, and one he'd heard from others. The idea of an eternal well of shared memories, memories all of Dora...who wouldn't smile at the thought of such a thing? "I would love that. I really would. I have no idea where to get a pensieve." He shook his head with a sad, desperate chuckle. If anyone could figure out where to get one, the Order could. But that was for later. Right now, all the memories were stuck up in Remus' head. Just memories now. His face fell again.
Both Crystal and Remus got back on course, Crystal choking up a sob as Remus assured her she was family - and growing teary-eyed himself. They reached their breaking point and both drew into themselves as the tears flowed freely. It was such a strange sensation to cry around other people, with other people, but Remus couldn't hold it in anymore. Not for the past couple of days. He was too sad to care who saw him. He sank into the couch and stared at the ceiling, only moving every so often to wipe his face.
Crystal's voice eventually roused him. He almost forgot she was there. He was lost in some dream world - or nightmare world. He straightened up and looked over at her, forcing himself to concentrate yet again on what she was saying. And gods, was it good. Just memories, but they were so incredibly good. Remus was smiling again. Just a little bit, but it was undeniably there. "Right. And if anyone blamed her, she'd just morph her face into someone else's and blame them." What a wonderfully weird human. Remus propped his arm on the back of the couch and rested his head in his hand. "Do you know, nearly every morning, she did that. Woke up next to a different person every morning. She thought it was hilarious. Never got old for her."
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