Confessions

This was the right thing to do, he was sure of it, but Remus couldn't deny the dark cloud hanging over his own head as he descended into the Ministry. Maybe it was because of the veritable hurricane hanging over the heads of his companions - Mali and Theo were clinging to each other like they'd be ripped away forever if they dared let go. That was, Remus supposed with a pang of emotion, a possibility. He thought Harry would listen to him and look at this reasonably, but Remus was no Auror. Harry had obligations and protocols, just like the rest of the people Remus knew in the department. Maybe they do their dear old professor and friend (and husband, on occasion) a favor every once in a while - but certainly, this was pushing the limit. Remus was bringing a murderer and his accomplice to Harry - a pair with a believable story, in Remus' opinion, but one that couldn't be verified by anyone other than the two of them. Remus himself wasn't sure if he could ever undoubtedly believe them, but he believed them enough to try to give them this chance. They were good people, attitudes and accusations aside. Just scared. Remus reminded himself constantly of the questionable things he had done when he was scared, and that helped.

When they were off the lift and on their way down the corridor, Remus tried very hard to mind his own business and not heft his uncomfortable presence on the pair in front of him. Especially when they stopped in front of Harry's door, and had a...moment. Of course. They were scared, this very well felt like the end of the world for them. It was sort of sweet, really, not that Remus was paying any particular attention - there was a very interesting bit of thread hanging off his coat. He only looked up when he heard Harry's door open. Mali and Theo made a hard time of getting inside, moving reluctantly. Remus squeezed in behind them, standing on the opposite side of the door and looking down at Harry at his desk, a light smile for his friend even in this terribly awkward context. "Hello, Harry. I believe you know Mali, and this is Theo Ashland. Please, don't let me intrude. I'm just here for moral support, though I'd be just as happy to answer any questions you have for me." Polite and cooperative. Remus wasn't sure why he felt compelled to act this way, but he thought it might have something to do with the building he stood in. Murderous companions or not, this place would always look upon him with suspicion and he supposed old habits died hard.

Three little words were all it took to break her resolve. She bowed her head when Theo kissed her head to blink away the tears in relative privacy. Mali knew that this was right, that they had to do this especially since she spilled her soul to Mister Lupin but it hurt. It dragged her feelings of grief and regret out from their little boxes where she firmly packed them in the back of her mind. Self pity and the feeling of unfairness mingled with the heavy emotions. They didn't deserve what they had been thrust into. Theo was unwilling, a true victim in it all and Mali... she was reluctant. Neither of them were murderers and neither one of them wanted to leave their lifeless patients but it was all a reaction of fear.

The three of them filed into the room and Mister Lupin addressed Mister Potter, who motioned them to chairs. There was a small sliver of hope that he would tell the auror everything and they only had to nod along and confirm the details but he reaffirmed that he was there for moral support, not to sell them out but not to save them from having to confess either. The boy who lived motioned to the chairs in front of his desk and though Mali would rather stand the task set in front of her made her knees feel weak. Her and Theo's relationship was largely built on Mali leading Theo by the hand, sometimes literally. Like now, the (hopefully not former) Healer led the Medi-Wizard to one of the chairs and deposited him into it before taking the one next to him. Mali sat straight backed, perched on the very edge of the chair with her hands folded in her lap.

Mister Potter seemed as uncomfortable with this as they were, unsure of what to do with his arms. Mali looked to Theo for a quiet moment, lower lip caught between her teeth. He wouldn't be able to speak for himself, she knew that. "We needed to clear some things up." she said finally, lingering on Theo for an extra second before she could force her gaze to the Boy Who Lived. "I..." Her mouth felt uncomfortably dry, tongue lethargic and words heavy on her tongue. "Wasn't exactly---" There was no point in gingerly stepping around it. She needed to be blunt and clear. Mali glanced to Mister Lupin before shame forced her eyes down to the hands in her lap. "I lied to you the last time I was here." each word was an effort and it wasn't about to get any easier. "You asked what happened during the St. Mungo's attack and I told you I left. I want to tell you the truth. I didn't leave. I was about to but I went back to the spell damage unit." There was no turning back now, she started their confession and it had to be seen through. "My patients were vulnerable and everyone was focused on the lower floors and Mister Stark." Her reasoning for going back felt important, at least it was important for her. She wouldn't have changed her going back, that was one of the few things she didn't regret from that day.

You would think it would get easier, the amount of times she had recounted the events of that day but it never did. It wasn't as vivid as when the Dementors dragged that memory out of her but it was still painful and difficult. Mali closed her eyes, the details felt important now and she didn't want to get them wrong as she recalled them. Mali continued on without giving Harry the chance to interject. If she stopped she might never be able to force the words out again. "The Janus Thickey ward was open and it couldn't be. The door isn't s'posed to be left open, ever. It was and I know I should've gotten someone then but I wasn't thinking about that, I was too worried about the people inside. Theo was there, he must've opened the door because only someone who works at St. Mungo's can. It's supposed to be locked." Mali opened her eyes again, giving Theo an apologetic look. It was betrayal all over again to throw out his role like that. "He wasn't alone. There was a Death Eater there and she had him under the---the Imperius Curse." Her attention turned back to Mister Potter, searching his face for some indication of what he was feeling. He had to believe them because if he didn't then it was all over. Theo would be a murderer in the eyes of the Ministry, not a victim and she would be an accomplice to it. "You--I could tell he was off, that he wasn't himself. He was acting strangely. At first it was like he didn't realize there was an attack going on, he looked at ease and complacent chasing down Mister Fischer, like they were playing a twisted game of tag or something. I disarmed him." That was a miracle in itself and frankly she was still surprised the spell had worked at all.

"I tried to block him from Mister Fischer but the witch was whispering to Theo and he just grabbed my wand and ripped it clear out of my hands. I wanted to get it but he had his own back too quickly. I tried to talk to him, to reason with him. I wanted him to let me take Mister Fischer back to his room and he was nearly there. He almost let me do it, but the witch whispered again and she touched him and it was all over. He wouldn't because he couldn't. He wasn't at ease anymore, Theo looked confused and conflicted. I grabbed my wand and he grabbed his. His movements were even reluctant, he had his wand pointed at me and I tried to stupefy him but I missed. It provoked him, he was so confused. He used a jinx to knock me out of the way and then Mister Fischer was dead. He didn't have a chance. I don't even think Mister Fischer remembered he was a wizard, he thought he was a troll that's why he was there." Surprisingly every word she spoke was clear and free from the tremble of emotion. She looked terrible, like one wrong word from either Lupin or Potter would fracture into a million pieces but she was confident of every word she spoke.

Mali reached out to lay a hand on Theo's arm, nails digging into his skin. Mister Fischer's death was hard but Mister Longbottom's was worse. She cared for him longer than Mister Fischer. Years instead of weeks. "Theo was confused, he was upset. He didn't understand what he did or why I was crying or why Mister Fischer wasn't moving. The witch was laughing and shouting at him to do it again. I think she wanted him to kill me." That was an awful feeling. "Theo was very agitated. I made it worse. I was shoving him and screaming at him. I shouldn't have but Mister Fischer was my patient and Theo just killed him. It wasn't his fault and I knew it wasn't because I watched the witch manipulate him, whisper and touch him and work her stupid curse, but it--Mister Fischer was still dead. I think Mister Longbottom heard the commotion and felt like he had to do something because he came out into the hall and the witch recognized him. I think he felt compelled to intervene or something. He and Mrs. Longbottom remember what they were sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes you can see a little spark of recognition or they seem very present." Poor Frank Longbottom, former Auror was damned by his faded memories of his former profession, spurned into action by what he used to be. "When the witch saw him she got really excited. She wanted him dead instead. Theo fought against it, he really really did but she grabbed him again and he was petrified but he did it." It wasn't as clean as just 'doing it', there was shouting and jinxes and blood, but it was too emotional to get into. To delve into the details would break her resolve not to cry.

"Then she just left." that was the most maddening part. Theo and Mali were left alone in the hall an instant after it happened to deal with the emotional fall out and there was a lot. "And Theo wasn't under her influence anymore. He knew what he did and he was crying and just..petrified. He wouldn't even hold his wand. They were both dead, Mister Fischer and Mister Longbottom. There was nothing we could do, I know because I tried." Again and again she tried to wake Mister Fischer. "They were just dead. Theo was... he couldn't face an auror or anyone in the state he was in. We were going to tell the aurors what happened, but Stark had just died and i didn't think anyone would believe us after that. Not with Stark assassinated. So we ran, we left and I got Theo far far away from the hospital. And here we are, telling you now."

Remus moved into a chair as most of the attention in the room moved to Harry. Remus was no Auror, or investigator, just a man who knew when certain people needed to talk to other certain people. He folded his hands in his lap and waited for assistance to be requested, if need be, and nodded at Mali when she glanced at him. She'd done it before, tell her version of things, he knew she could do it again. It was a story he'd heard before, but all the same Remus prepared himself to listen very closely. He wasn't totally convinced of the pair's innocence (not of their guilt, either), so any discrepancy, any little off detail...he was ready. He leaned in ever so slightly as she began to speak.

All was pretty much the same. The Imperius Curse, the fighting and the hesitation - the murders, during which Remus cast his glance down in respect - and finally, Theo and Mali's departure. Remus didn't watch Harry as the story was told; the younger man was perfectly capable of feeling his own feelings and thinking his own thoughts, and Remus had full confidence in his ability to handle this all professionally. Their relationship was different now than in Harry's school years, in some ways. In a way, Harry was the one in a position of authority now. Remus was still more than happy to advise and give his opinion (moral support, he called it), but this was Harry's call at the end of the day and he didn't want to influence the boy. Remus did chance a glance at Mali and Theo, though he didn't really need to. He knew what he would see there, and it was both relieving and heartbreaking to see that not much had changed since last hearing this story. Theo was still distraught and distressed; Mali was powering through but obviously still feeling that grief and remorse. They were either the world's best actors or they were, on some level, genuine. The task at hand now was finding what level that was.

When Mali was through - and it was clear Theo wasn't going to be doing any talking - Remus sat forward and held up a finger to interject before anything began. He wasn't here to influence decisions, but he thought a little more clarity about why he was here was definitely called for. "I would just like to explain my role in this a little further as well, Harry, in the interest of unbiased justice. Mali confessed this story some weeks ago to me, and I feel I must explain why we are only stepping forward now. I think, as you well know, accusations of the Imperius Curse are tricky business. I would have come to you immediately had I thought this was just another case of someone trying to get away with something. I think I can confidently state that I do not believe this to be so. It is not my place to determine the guilt or the innocence of these two. I, as I'm sure everyone else feels too, only wish to discover the truth."

Mister Potter listened to her... their story and didn't try to interrupt, much to Mali's relief. She doubted very much that if she stopped she would be able to continue their story again. Theo's head shaking and panic beside her didn't make it any easier, she couldn't look at it, couldn't acknowledge it because her own resolve to confess was weak at best. She expected a strong feeling of relief after spilling her soul, no longer burdened by keeping a terrible secret, but the feeling never came. All that she felt was anxiety that reached it's peak when Mister Potter tapped his fingers and let silence hang between them. It felt like her lungs tightened up and she couldn't breathe, and words like 'straightforward' didn't make it any easier. Mali tightened her grip on Theo, she should have let go of him long ago but now that grip was the only thing anchoring her in the room. Her head felt light, her heart raced and all speculation was thrown to the wind. They weren't merely wondering worried about what might happen, it was too late to turn back now as much as they might want too.

Harry Potter might have listened without interruption but Mali couldn't give him that same consideration. There were important things that needed to be said, things that she and Theo needed them to understand. "Deaths." she said firmly, emphasizing the plural. "Deaths. There were two. Mister Fischer was---he's dead as well. " That irritated her more than it should, she should embrace the fact that half their crime was overlooked but Mister Fischer deserved acknowledgement. "They're both difficult for us. It may be hard for people to wrap their head around but we cared for both of them. We took care of both of them." If only they could have seen it unfold or the aftermath, they would see how much the patients both mattered to them. There was no 'I' or 'Him'. Them. Completely in it together.

Mali flinched at the word 'deceptive', glancing to Mister Lupin. She wasn't sure if she believed him, she wanted too but there felt like there was still an air of suspicion or doubt around them. None of this sounded good, even if Mister Potter managed to appear unthreatening and even. The witch bit down on the inside of her cheek to stave off tears before they welled up in her eyes. At the word 'pensive' she looked back to Mister Lupin, this time for guidance with her eyebrows raised with a hint of panic written across her face. "What is..?" but her attention returned to Mister Potter almost immediately. They should talk, of course. Mali had every intention of cooperating even if through use of pen-whathaveyous, if necessary. Mister Potter gave them their word and that helped mitigate some anxiousness, he was the boy who lived, surely his word meant something. He was a good person, people didn't save the world because they were bad people.

Theo was thrust into the spotlight. Mister Potter wanted to hear his side of things, what he felt like, and there was nothing Mali could do to help him through it. She looked at Theo now, finally, with a mix of regret and sympathy. "I'm sorry, I can't answer those for you." She could do a lot, tell them exactly what happened but not how it felt like. Mali wanted to protect Theo from all of it, from having to confess and drudge up those feelings himself but she couldn't and that felt terrible. "It'll be alright." Her grip moved from his arm, down to his hand, fingers lacing together.

There it was. That look of betrayal that she knew was coming. Mali caught it out of the corner of her eye, to see it full on would have been too painful. She swallowed hard as if it could possibly brace her for what was surely festering ahead. Everything felt fragile, like it was waiting for just the right moment to fall apart. Her emotions were a whirlwind. Regret at earning such a look from Theo, anger that he was complacent to allow people to overlook Mister Fischer, and so much sadness for the situation as a whole. They roiled in her very core, stewing together and threatening to pull her and drowned her in them.

Theo wasn't doing well as the center of attention. He gave the impression of a cornered animal, licking it's wounds and unsure of where to strike first. It didn't take too long before Theo figured out where to lash out for the fullest effect, he pulled his hand away from her. Mali looked like she'd been slapped in the face, disbelief and hurt edged her tear reddened face. She followed Theo up onto his feet, it was better for her to try and diffuse him than to let the other two do it. "You are alright." she said firmly but gently, one hand laying at the small of his back, the other over his to try and coax one away from the desk. Merlin knew all they needed was for Theo to break Mister Potter's desk, that'd make things go swimmingly for them. She flinched at both the harshness in his voice and the use of vulgarity, the scold of 'Language!' sat on the tip of her tongue but she managed to bite it back, not the time or the place for such things. "Stop it." Her words were a little less gentle now. "That's not true at all, everyone just wants to sort this out."

And then he turned on her, figuratively and literally. Mali was physically taken aback, her own hands left him as she took a step away. Mistake? She made him do this? "Because." her voice was laced with bitterness and defiance. Every thing she'd done for Theo and he was going to turn on her the moment he felt the slightest consequence? That hurt. Normally Mali would crumble into a crying mess, she was good at crying, but she was too angry for tears. "I'm tired of lying because of you." Her own words were just as sharp and as harsh as his and aside from a tiny flitter of guilt, she didn't regret them. They were honest and raw. "I don't lie, I never lied before I got tangled up with you and now I'm lying all the time! I don't want to lie, I don't want to carry this around like some dark, dirty secret! That's why I made you do it! It needed to be done ages ago but you're such a bloody child you wouldn't have done it at all if I hadn't made you!"

Mali left Theo, she stepped away from him and returned to her chair. If he wanted to stand alone in this, then by Merlin he can stand up there and grip Harry Potter's desk and even break it for all she cared. She lied for him, she abandon two dead bodies on the ground for him, she hid things from those she cared about for him and then he turned on her like that. A very irate Mali sat back down in her chair, crossing her arms firmly over her chest and set to very pointedly avoiding looking at anyone. Theo, Potter or Mister Lupin. She would just stare at the bloody floor.